As another new year approaches, it’s time to make those annual new year resolutions. But let’s be honest – how often do we actually keep them? Instead of the usual mundane and predictable resolutions, why not add a bit of humor and sarcasm to our goals for the coming year?
Here are some sarcastic and funny quotes that will lighten the mood and make you chuckle as you make your new year resolutions. Because why not start the year with a good laugh?
“My new year resolution is to be more positive…but I don’t think it will work out.”
“This year, I’m going to exercise more…I mean, I’m going to exercise…let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”
“My new year resolution is to be more organized…but who am I kidding? Chaos is my middle name.”
“I’m going to save more money this year…by not buying that gym membership I’ll never use.”
“I vow to eat healthier this year…so I’ll only have ice cream for dessert once a day instead of twice.”
“I promise to procrastinate less…starting next year, of course.”
“I’m going to be more punctual this year…just as soon as I can find my keys.”
“This year, I’ll spend more time with family and friends…by stalking them on social media.”
“I’m going to learn something new every day this year…like how many hours I can binge-watch Netflix.”
“This year, I’ll be more adventurous…by trying a different flavor of pizza every week.”
So go ahead, have a laugh and make your new year resolutions with a twist of sarcasm. After all, life is too short to be serious all the time!
Sarcastic Quotes about New Year Resolutions
Are you tired of making empty promises to yourself every New Year? Well, you’re not alone. Here are some sarcastic quotes about New Year resolutions that perfectly capture the futility of it all:
- “My New Year resolution? Oh, just to break every single resolution I made last year.”
- “This year, my resolution is to procrastinate more and achieve even less.”
- “New Year, new me? Nah, I’m still the same mess I was last year.”
- “I don’t make resolutions, because why set myself up for failure when I can do that on my own?”
- “My resolution for this year is to give up on all the resolutions I forgot about by February.”
- “New Year, new gym membership. But let’s be honest, the only thing I’ll be exercising is my right to stay on the couch.”
- “Last year, my resolution was to lose weight. This year, it’s to find the weight I lost.”
- “I’m not making any resolutions this year. I’m just going to live in the moment and regret it later.”
- “My resolution for this year is to spend less time on social media… starting tomorrow.”
- “New Year, new me? More like New Year, same old lazy procrastinator.”
So, if you’re tired of setting yourself up for disappointment, join the sarcastic club and embrace the absurdity of New Year resolutions. After all, who needs self-improvement when you can just laugh at your own failures?
Hilarious Quotes to Start the New Year
Looking for a good laugh to kickstart your New Year? Here are some hilariously sarcastic quotes to bring in the laughter and make the start of the year a little more enjoyable!
“My New Year resolution? I will be less sarcastic… I mean, that’s going to happen!” |
“I’m going to lose weight in the new year… by running out of patience, chasing my dreams, and avoiding negative people!” |
“My resolution for the new year is to procrastinate more… actually, I’ll start that next week!” |
“I resolve to be more positive in the new year… unless it involves math, then I’ll remain realistic!” |
“In the new year, I’m going to learn a new language… emoji! 😂 “ |
Get ready for the laughter and joy that the New Year brings with these hilarious and sarcastic quotes. Remember, laughter is the best way to start a new chapter in life!
Amusing Sayings to Laugh at Your Resolutions
As we embark on another new year, it’s time to reflect on our resolutions and wonder if we’ll actually stick to them. Let’s face it, most of us have a love-hate relationship with New Year’s resolutions. We make them with good intentions, but they often fall by the wayside within days or weeks.
So, why not have a little fun with our resolutions this year? Here are some amusing sayings to laugh at your resolutions:
1. “My resolution was to read more books, but then I realized Netflix has subtitles.”
We all have that one TV show that we just can’t get enough of. Who needs books when you have your favorite series to binge-watch?
2. “I resolved to save money, but then Starbucks released a new holiday drink.”
It’s hard to resist that temptation when you see the words “limited edition” and “peppermint mocha” on the menu. Saving money can wait until next year, right?
3. “I promised to exercise every day, but then I discovered that lifting a remote counts as a workout.”
Who needs to hit the gym when you can get a workout from the comfort of your couch? Just make sure you switch arms during commercial breaks.
4. “I vowed to eat healthier, but then I realized that chocolate is made from beans, so it’s basically a salad.”
Hey, if chocolate comes from beans, it must be good for you, right? That’s what we’ll keep telling ourselves anyway.
5. “I resolved to be more organized, but then I remembered that a cluttered desk is a sign of genius.”
If Einstein could achieve greatness with a messy desk, then surely we can too. Embrace the chaos!
6. “I promised to wake up earlier, but then I discovered that hitting the snooze button brings me so much joy.”
Sleep is precious and hitting the snooze button gives us a few extra moments of bliss. Who needs to wake up early?
7. “I resolved to be more patient, but then I got stuck in traffic.”
Traffic has a funny way of testing our patience. Maybe next year we’ll try to find a resolution that doesn’t involve other people’s driving.
Remember, it’s all about having a good laugh and not taking ourselves too seriously. New Year’s resolutions can be a great way to set goals and make positive changes, but they should also be a source of amusement. So, this year, let’s embrace the humor and have a little fun with our resolutions!
Funny Quotes to Keep Your New Year’s Resolutions in Perspective
Trying to keep up with New Year’s resolutions can be a daunting task. As January comes to an end, it’s not uncommon for our motivation to wane and our commitment to falter. But don’t despair! Sometimes, a little humor is all we need to stay on track. Here are some funny quotes to keep your New Year’s resolutions in perspective:
Quote | Message |
“My New Year’s resolution was to lose weight, but I think this year I’ll just focus on being more photogenic.” | Remember, it’s not about the number on the scale, it’s about how good you look in pictures! |
“My resolution was to stay away from chocolate, but then I heard chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a plant. So basically, I’m eating a salad.” | Don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re just trying to eat more vegetables! |
“I didn’t make any New Year’s resolutions. Does that count as a resolution itself?” | Skipping resolutions is a resolution in its own unique way! |
“My resolution was to read more books, but then I discovered Netflix.” | Life is all about balance, right? |
“I resolved to exercise every day, but so far my favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it lunch.” | Hey, at least you’re moving! |
Remember, New Year’s resolutions are meant to be fun and lighthearted. Don’t stress too much about them and always find the humor in your journey towards self-improvement. Good luck!
Sarcastic Remarks to Remember When Setting Goals for the New Year
As we welcome another new year, it’s time to set those oh-so-ambitious goals once again. But let’s be honest, how many times have we actually achieved them? Instead of focusing on the usual clichéd resolutions, why not take a sarcastic approach this time? Here are some remarks to keep in mind when setting your goals for the new year:
“Oh, sure, let’s make a resolution. It’s not like I’ve broken all my previous ones after the first week anyway.”
“Let’s set an unrealistic goal and then laugh at ourselves when we don’t even come close to achieving it.”
“Why bother setting goals when life is just going to throw curveballs at us anyway?”
“Resolutions? More like empty promises to ourselves that we know we won’t keep.”
“Let’s make a resolution to procrastinate less, starting next week… or maybe the week after.”
“Sure, I’ll work out every day. Just as soon as I finish watching this entire season of my favorite TV show in one sitting.”
“I think I’ll aim to get more sleep this year, but only after I stay up all night binge-watching the latest Netflix series.”
Remember, the key to a successful sarcastic new year’s resolution is to set the bar low and your expectations even lower. Good luck!
Humorous Quotes to Reflect on Failed New Year Resolutions
Every year, we make New Year resolutions with the best intentions, only to abandon them shortly, giving rise to these humorous quotes that reflect the reality of our failed attempts:
“New Year’s Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.” – James Agate
“My New Year resolution is not to make any more New Year resolutions.”
“May all your troubles last as long as your New Year resolutions.” – Joey Adams
“My New Year resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier in comparison.”
“My New Year resolution is to stop procrastinating. Starting from next week.”
These humorous quotes capture the irony and self-deprecating humor that comes with failed New Year resolutions. They remind us to not take ourselves too seriously and find humor in our shortcomings.
Disclaimer: These quotes are meant to be humorous and are not to be taken too seriously. Remember, it’s the effort that counts!
Witty Sayings to Put Your New Year’s Resolutions to the Test
It’s that time of year again when we make promises to ourselves that we know deep down we probably won’t keep. Yes, it’s time for New Year’s resolutions. But instead of going for the standard, boring resolutions like “eat healthier” or “exercise more,” why not add a little wit and humor to your goals for the year?
Here are some witty sayings that will put your New Year’s resolutions to the test:
Resolution | Witty Saying |
Lose weight | “I’m going to lose weight this year… by finding a scale that’s always a few pounds off!” |
Spend less money | “I’m going to spend less money this year… by avoiding all stores and never leaving my house!” |
Quit procrastinating | “I’m going to quit procrastinating this year… starting tomorrow!” |
Read more books | “I’m going to read more books this year… by finally finishing the ones I started last year!” |
Learn a new language | “I’m going to learn a new language this year… by mastering the art of Google Translate!” |
Wake up earlier | “I’m going to wake up earlier this year… by hitting snooze only three times instead of five!” |
These witty sayings add a touch of humor to the usual New Year’s resolutions and reflect the reality that sometimes our goals may not always go according to plan. So go ahead, embrace the humor and give your resolutions a witty twist. Who knows, you might just have a laugh while working towards your goals!
Laugh-Out-Loud Quotes to Remind You of the Futility of Resolutions
Resolutions are like paper towels, they may soak up your enthusiasm momentarily but in the end, they are just something to throw away.
Who needs resolutions when you can have a whole year of mediocre and unambitious goals?
Remember, if you don’t set any resolutions, you can’t disappoint yourself!
Resolutions are a bit like gym memberships – they sound great in theory, but we all know they will be forgotten about by February.
“My New Year’s resolution? Oh, it’s the same as every year – to remember to write the correct year on my checks!” |
“I plan to procrastinate more this year. Oh, wait, I’ll start that later.” |
“I’m going to be more patient. Just as soon as everyone starts acting more tolerably.” |
“My resolution is to lose 10 pounds. Only 15 more to go!” |
“I’m going to learn how to say ‘no’ to unnecessary commitments. Unless they involve cake.” |
Let’s face it, making resolutions is just a way to pretend we have control over our lives when, in reality, life is just a wild rollercoaster ride with no brakes!
Quirky Sayings to Keep Your New Year’s Resolutions Light-hearted
“I resolve to eat cake every day… because life is too short for diets!”
Add a sprinkle of sweetness to your life and indulge in a slice of cake every day. After all, what’s a little dessert between friends?
“I’m going to procrastinate… starting tomorrow!”
Why rush into things when you can procrastinate? Take your time, relax, and leave the resolutions for tomorrow… or the day after that!
“I promise to watch more cat videos… for research purposes!”
We all know how captivating those silly cat videos can be. So why not make a resolution to watch more? It’s all in the name of scientific research, of course!
“I’m going to embrace my inner couch potato and binge-watch all the shows!”
Instead of hitting the gym, why not cozy up on the couch and enjoy some quality television time? It’s the perfect excuse to catch up on all those shows you’ve been meaning to watch.
“I vow to take more naps… because beauty sleep is important!”
Who needs a strict sleep schedule when you can take more naps? Embrace the power of beauty sleep and wake up feeling refreshed and fabulous.
“I’m going to perfect the art of doing absolutely nothing… and be proud of it!”
Forget about productivity and busy schedules – this year, make a resolution to do absolutely nothing. Embrace the art of relaxation and be proud of your newfound skill.
Remember, New Year’s resolutions don’t have to be serious or strict. By adding a bit of quirky humor to your goals, you’ll have a better chance of sticking to them and enjoying the journey along the way. Cheers to a light-hearted and fun-filled New Year!