Football is a sport that brings people together, not only for the love of the game, but also for the moments of laughter and amusement it provides. Over the years, players, coaches, and commentators have shared some hilarious and memorable quotes that have become part of the football folklore. Whether it’s a witty remark or a funny anecdote, these quotes never fail to put a smile on our faces.
One of the most famous funny quotes comes from the legendary Brazilian footballer, Pelé, who once said, “I once cried because I had no shoes to play football with my friends, but one day, I met a man who had no feet, so I realized how rich I am.” This quote not only showcases Pelé’s humor but also teaches us the importance of appreciating what we have.
Another classic quote comes from the former English footballer, Gary Lineker, who said, “Football is a simple game. Twenty-two men chase a ball for 90 minutes and at the end, the Germans always win.” This self-deprecating remark highlights England’s struggles against the German national team and has become a favorite among football fans, especially during major tournaments.
Even football commentators have given us some hilarious quotes. As the famous British commentator, John Motson, once said, “For those of you watching in black and white, Liverpool are the team with the ball.” This quote perfectly captures the absurdity of commenting on a football match without the luxury of color television, and it never fails to make us chuckle.
So whether you’re a die-hard football fan or just someone who enjoys a good laugh, these funny football quotes are sure to brighten your day. From witty remarks to comical anecdotes, these quotes remind us that football is not only about the competition but also about the joy and laughter it brings.
Hilarious Quotes from Football Legends
Here are some hilarious quotes from football legends that are bound to make you laugh:
- “I couldn’t even spell spaghetti until I was 17 years old.” – Cristiano Ronaldo
- “I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds, and fast cars. The rest, I just squandered.” – George Best
- “I’m as happy as I can be – but I have been happier.” – Ugo Ehiogu
- “We lost because we didn’t win.” – Ronaldo Luís Nazário de Lima
- “I’m not religious, but I pray every day.” – Zlatan Ibrahimović
- “If you don’t believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day.” – Neville Southall
- “Football is a simple game. 22 men chase a ball for 90 minutes and at the end, the Germans always win.” – Gary Lineker
- “It’s not about the long ball or the short ball, it’s about the right ball.” – Bob Paisley
- “Some people believe football is a matter of life and death, I am very disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you it is much, much more important than that.” – Bill Shankly
These funny quotes show the lighter side of some of football’s greatest legends. They remind us that even in the midst of intense competition, there’s always room for a good laugh.
Amusing Quotes from Famous Football Managers
Football managers have a unique way of expressing themselves, often providing us with hilarious and memorable quotes. Here are some amusing quotes from famous football managers:
- “I would not say I was the best manager in the business, but I was in the top one.” – Brian Clough
- “If you don’t concede any goals, you’ll win more games.” – Fabio Capello
- “I couldn’t settle in Italy – it was like living in a foreign country.” – Ian Rush
- “I spent a lot of money on booze, birds, and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.” – George Best
- “I am a nobody in football, but I would be a somebody in baseball.” – Jose Mourinho
- “I might have been born in a hovel, but I’m determined to travel with the wind and the rain.” – Arsène Wenger
These quotes show the lighter side of football management and remind us that even the most serious figures in the game can have a sense of humor.
Funny Quotes from Football Commentators
Football commentators are known for their colorful commentary and hilarious anecdotes. Here are some of the funniest quotes from football commentators:
| “He had an eternity to play that ball, but he took too long over it.” | – Alan Hansen |
| “He must have a foot like a traction engine.” | – John Motson |
| “For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are in the all-yellow strip.” | – John Motson |
| “It’s a game of two halves – the first half and the second half.” | – Ron Atkinson |
| “If you don’t concede any goals, you’ll win more games.” | – Mark Lawrenson |
| “Strikers have to be egotistical and selfish.” | – Gary Neville |
| “I’m not saying he’s a drinker, but if he was a whiskey, he’d be a single malt.” | – Ray Hudson |
| “If the goalkeeper saves that, it’s a great save, but if he doesn’t, it’s a goal.” | – Phil Neville |
| “He’s so quick, he could go past a mermaid on a rock.” | – Ray Hudson |
| “That would have been a goal if it wasn’t for the defender clearing it off the line” | – Phil Neville |
These funny quotes from football commentators show that even the experts can sometimes come out with hilarious and nonsensical statements. Whether it’s a misplaced metaphor or stating the obvious, these quotes add an extra layer of entertainment to the game.
Quotes from Players with a Sense of Humor
- “I wouldn’t say I was the best manager in the business, but I was in the top one.” – Brian Clough
- “I’d walk through fire for my teammates. Well, not fire because it’s dangerous. But a super humid room. But not too humid, because my hair.” – Alexis Sanchez
- “I’m as happy as I can be. Not happy like in a bad way, but like, happy.” – Zlatan Ibrahimovic
- “Sometimes in football, you have to score goals.” – Thierry Henry
- “I’m a big believer in karma. If you do good things right, then good things will come to you. And if you don’t do good things right, then karma is gonna give you a spanking.” – Mario Balotelli
- “If you’re not sure what to do with the ball, just pop it in the net and we’ll discuss your options afterwards.” – Bill Shankly
Witty Quotes from Football Fans
Football fans have never been short of wit and humor, and their quotes are a testament to that. Whether it’s banter between rival fans or mocking a player’s unfortunate mishap, these quotes will surely make you laugh.
“I told my wife she should start supporting another team because I can’t take any more disappointment. She replied, ‘Okay, you first!'”
“I like to think of myself as a football expert. My friends like to think of me as delusional.”
“I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So, I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.”
“I used to play football, but then I took an arrow to the knee. Just kidding, it was a goalkeeper’s clearance.”
“I thought I saw a squirrel in the opposing team’s goalpost, turns out it was just Wayne Rooney.”
“My team’s defense is as sturdy as a tent in a hurricane.”
“I don’t always watch football, but when I do, it’s usually because the remote is too far away.”
“My love for football is like a headphone wire – tangled, annoying, and refuses to be untangled.”
“My friend asked why I never get tired of watching football. I replied, ‘Have you ever seen a football match? It’s 90 minutes of pure drama, tragedy, and comedy. It’s better than any soap opera!'”
“I asked my dad who his favorite football player is. He said, ‘The referee, because he always blows the whistle when it’s time to leave the house for the match!'”
These quotes show that football fans have a unique sense of humor that helps them cope with the highs and lows of their favorite sport. So, the next time you need a good laugh, just turn to football fans for some witty and hilarious quotes.
Memorable Quotes from Football Press Conferences
Football press conferences are often filled with memorable quotes that make headlines and provide entertainment to fans and media alike. From players to managers, here are some of the most memorable quotes from football press conferences:
“I would not say I was the best manager in the business, but I was in the top one.” – Brian Clough
“I’m a football manager, I can’t sit here and say I’m not going to get involved in all areas of the football club.” – Jose Mourinho
“I’m not a dictator. It’s just that I have a grumpy face.” – Jurgen Klopp
“I’ve told the players we need to win so that I can have the cash to buy some new ones.” – Sam Allardyce
“I’m not religious. In Spain, all 22 players make the sign of the cross before they enter the pitch. If it works all the matches must be draws.” – Luis Aragones
“I always threw the ball in, because then if I got the ball back, I was the only player unmarked.” – Paul Gascoigne
“When we win, I’m German. When we lose, I’m an immigrant.” – Mesut Ozil
“I am who I am and I say what I think. I’m not putting a smiley face on for a game.” – Roy Keane
“I’ve had 14 bookings this season – 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable.” – Paul Merson
“I know it’s a derby and sometimes the game is more important than the result.” – Rafa Benitez
These quotes not only show the humor and wit of players and managers, but also provide an insight into the world of football and the pressures that come with it.
Quotes about Football’s Funniest Moments
Football can be a source of great amusement, and these quotes capture some of the funniest moments in the sport:
“I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds, and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.” – George Best
“I couldn’t even spell spaghetti until I was 15.” – Roy Keane
“I’m as happy as I can be – but I have been happier.” – Ugo Ehiogu
“If you don’t believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day.” – Neville Southall
“I was surprised, but I always say nothing surprises me in football.” – Jurgen Klopp
“I’m sorry for the incident in the dressing room. It was totally unforgivable – especially in front of my parents.” – Eric Cantona
“I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league.” – Mark Viduka
“I’d like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona.” – Mark Draper
“I’m a firm believer that if the other side scores first, you have to score twice to win.” – Howard Wilkinson
“The tide is very much in our court now.” – David Platt
These quotes highlight the humorous side of football and remind us of the light-hearted moments that make the sport so enjoyable. Whether it’s the witty remarks of players and managers or the absurd situations that arise on the pitch, football never fails to bring a smile to our faces.
Comical Quotes from Football TV Shows and Commercials
Football TV shows and commercials often have comical moments that leave the audience laughing. Here are some quotes from these shows and commercials that will surely put a smile on your face:
“I went to a football match and a boxing match broke out.” – Comedian Bob Monkhouse
“I’m not a great football fan, but I love spending the afternoon in a stadium with a hot dog and beer. But I don’t think it’s a real sport – the ball is too unpredictable.” – Comedian Morgan Freeman
“I love football; I love watching football. I love analyzing quarterbacks and talking about defenses and just kind of nerding out over it.” – Actor Chris Pratt
“If a team wants to intimidate me by yelling in the tunnel before a game, that’s fine. But I’m not worried about how I look. I’m worried about how I’m going to help the team win.” – Former football player and coach Bill Parcells
“I’m going to stop going to football matches. Tensions are too high. I went through three punnets of strawberries last night!” – Comedian Dara Ó Briain
“Football is all very well as a game for rough girls, but is hardly suitable for delicate boys.” – Oscar Wilde
“Football is like life. It requires perseverance, self-denial, hard work, sacrifice, dedication, and respect for authority.” – Former football player and coach Vince Lombardi
“I told them to score goals to be happy, and that’s what they did.” – Commercial for a football goals company
“Football is a game made up of errors. Successful players are those who can limit their mistakes and the referee’s as well.” – Commercial for a football referee whistle brand
These quotes highlight the humorous and lighthearted side of football, reminding us that even in the midst of intense competitions, there is always room for laughter.